I thought I was healed, but apparantely not...

I thought I was healed but apparently not…
It’s very frustrating to discover how fragile we are…
We, who consider ourselves enjoying a very strong personality and up to any difficulty…
We, who thought we’re hard and can confront anything…,
But we get devastated when we see that we’re beaten by ourselves…

All what we have build for, turned down into ashes in a blink of an eye…
All what we considered as “given” turned to be hard to catch…
The path we believed to be smooth and easy to take appeared to be full of thorns
How hard it is to wake up someday and find out that we are not who we are or thought to be...
And to discover that this carcass we build around ourselves hide a very frail human being who we chose to forget…

I thought I was healed but apparently not…
We spend our life fighting and fighting back that our mind blurred and demolished all the basic needs our frail human being requires…
Our body fights fiercely to hide and restrain any sign of weakness…
Our eyes would struggle to veil the tears who want to come out…
Our head would resist the heavy and unbearable burden to keep its posture high…
Our throat would choke to death rather to infiltrate a cry of help…

I thought I was healed but apparently not…
How long is the path of self redemption…
How hard is the route of self reconciliation…
How cruel life it is…
Life… a beautiful word but once we turn our back, it shows its hideous face…
A face full of betrayal, treachery and disloyalty…

I thought I was healed but apparently not…
The cure is reachable but destroyable…
All we have to do is to trade our heart by a stone…
Not any stone… but with a dark hard black stone…
With Granite… a very beautiful stone but can resist all human factors…
Granite… a stone that can allow us to survive only up to our standards…

I thought I was healed but apparently not,
As my body rejected this stony heart.
Suffer… Suffer… Suffer… my heart is crying with every beat…
My heart is taking revenge for the dark years I obliged him to live…
And now, I gaze the earth searching for a new stone…
A new stone, hoping that would resist longer than the previous one,
Because…

I thought I was healed by apparently not…